


Inside of every demon is a lost cause (no kidding)

by Ruby_Red_Music (Royal_Tutor_GuCos)



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, Humor, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Multi, OC's - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:02:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23735047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Royal_Tutor_GuCos/pseuds/Ruby_Red_Music
Summary: You are a bat-demon named Roxy...*Roxy shoving author to the side*"Alright honey, let me do the talking here and you go sit back and enjoy the ride... just like all you lovely little readers over there. So yea, you can call me Roxy, rox, anything... but don't call me honey if you value your life..."*Author taking control again*Okay enough, you are my character and I am the boss... So... where was I...?You are a bat-demon, having lived in hell no longer phases you after so long. Nothing could possibly grab your attention anymore... right? Wrong... a Hotel has opened up its doors and after having avoided trouble for so long, whatever has compelled you to go look it up? And why didn't you turn away when you had a choice... instead of allowing yourself to be consumed by red.
Relationships: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Original Female Character(s), Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader
Kudos: 22





	1. Welcome to Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own, nor do I claim, Hazbin Hotel, nor the characters of Hazbin Hotel. They are all creations of the amazing Vivziepop, so credits to her for creating this delight.  
> The only characters I own is Roxy and any additional character that may be added in case this work takes off. (which I will judge by the comments)
> 
> This work is graphic and can have triggers which are all noted down in the list of tags so please check with the tags before continuing.
> 
> First chapter is a slow chapter since it is mostly context.  
> Flashbacks in italic

Righteousness had such a fragile meaning. It was so subjective, so blurred, one could never understand the true meaning unless you would be able to walk in the same shoes, be subjected to the same horrors. It was such a thin line to walk, a cord that was spun from a spider’s web in which you got tangled, and salvation so close one could taste it. One wrong move could have you tumble down into the darkness, have you swallowed into nothingness. Righteousness was not always doing the right thing for everyone, not necessarily for yourself. Making the right decision was the hardest thing in the world and one could never be sure your decision would have any drastic repercussions at the end of the line. Strange… how salvation would still make you tumble down the darkness. How the right became wrong, and nothing else seemed to matter.

For everything good you ever did, judgement would fall upon you heavily. The sword of Damocles had tumbled down and simply chopped down your head in the process for good measure and to prove a point… Whatever was out there, up there, it would not forgive you for something like helping others, self-defense… no, it would not have any of that. You were not perfect surely but how can doing something good mean being bad? Righteousness… did not exist… There were only scumbags on every plane of existence… Good and bad didn’t exist… there was no such thing as a right or wrong path, the only thing one could do was survive, live your life… and not get killed.

Not getting killed, perhaps that should have been a part of your vows. Every hour, of every fucking day, you wondered if something could have been changed. If it could have been avoided… but then again, you cannot change something that is on the inside so easily. Once that monster has you in its grasp, you can only hope. Humans have so many hopes. They hope for a good life, for a good health… the hope to get a decent job, a family… It was enough to make your skin crawl… at least now it did. Hope was fleeting, love was bound to conditions… being down here had made you a cynic. Perhaps having been here for as long as you can remember had turned you into a mere shadow of the person you had once been, despite all the good intentions.

Your marriage had probably been even worse than making a deal with the Devil. Even He could not be compared to the kind of… creature, your husband had been. You had been in love, too blind and naïve to even see what a corrupted soul he had been. Not even a week in this Faustian contract and he had shown you his true colors to your horror. There would not be a day where you would not cry yourself to sleep, hide bruises, markings… covering it all with make-up in hopes of deceiving people. Deception would come a little too easy after a while… you grew accustomed to it. The rest of the world couldn’t even see or hear your pleas so when push came to shove… you would have to just push harder and do what you had to do… Till death do you part…

_Waking up again had not even been the worst part, though you could have at least picked a better place to fall asleep… Wait? Sleep?! Your head turned around frantically, taking in as much of the carnage around you as possible. This place look like it had been through World War III … or Z by the looks of things. “Alright, we are not in Kansas anymore… ugh… this is gross” Your head was still pounding as you got up on your wobbly legs. You felt like a fowl who had been just born, needing to get control over your legs, just to keep your chances of survival up. This place, it violated all your senses, the redness, the smell, the sounds… the salty bitterness… geez, what had you been eating? Oh don’t tell me… please don’t let me have eaten anything unsavory, you pleaded with yourself before spitting the foul taste out, noticing the red hues in it… Blood… Guess that meant you were dead, in case the red sky hadn’t been an indication yet. Darling, this was not a movie set, nor a Halloweenparty that had gotten out of hand, you cursed yourself. Though being cursed you would have preferred anyway. So… you had wound up from one hell into another, peachy… oh come on… You assessed your current wardrobe and was… disgruntled, to say the least. You could hardly call these shreds of fabric clothes. Let this be a lesson to everyone, look both sides when crossing the road, even when frantically running away… “Okay, first things first… I must find shelter… and second… I have to find some food before I am going to starve” Your arms wrapped around your abdomen, hoping to muffle the sounds which threatened to erupt from the pits. Can you even die again? Judging by your surroundings, it seemed to be a habit of dying down here. Yikes… you would have to toughen it out. Become stronger, determined… survive because they would eat you up alive… literally…_

_Spotting a corpse with slightly better clothes than your own, you decided to just… swallow the last bit of pride and dignity you had and put on those clothes to be able to roam around more freely, scavenge… oh hey, you had found some cash in the pocket. Perhaps you had gotten lucky… no, there was no such thing as luck, and this also was not God throwing you a bone because you were in hell damnit! Was there even a God… okay, now was not the time for a theological debate with yourself… you had to get out of here as soon as possible before you would be considered a mugger by passers-by._

_Last check up in a window… You screamed from the top of your lungs, no one paying you any mind or coming over to see if anything had happened. Well, everyone here was used to that kind of incident happening so why would they even bother. No, no, no… your face had become almost unrecognizable, with sclera’s that had gotten a yellow-ish hue, irises which seemed to have become black, making it hard to even see where your pupils were, your ears having become the size of plates, reminiscent of a bat… yea, definitely a bat, you thought when you started to feel something on your back, thinking it was someone poking you. Oh come on… wings? WINGS?! No no no no… no… NO! You refused to walk around with wings… Well that sounded a bit ironic and probably the worst pun you have ever told yourself. What else had changed? You appeared to still be lithe, a delicate face… the nose though, as if you had suffered a bad nose-job and your teeth… Oh you regretted even opening your mouth. Perhaps the blood from before had been because of these teeth. Maybe you had accidentally bitten the inside of your mouth, or your tongue… Hehe… you were a vampire… It was a foreign notion and yet you found it amusing. Might as well make light of the situation you found yourself in, right? Your nails would need a trimming though, they were like claws… you wouldn’t even be able to shake anyone’s hand… If there was such a thing as politeness._

_Coming out of hiding was like being reborn altogether… welcome to your new life, freedom… and no way of knowing what the rules were down here, for the rulebook had been thrown out the window, along with the manual… and possibly the author of set manual as well altogether, you judged as a demon came flying out of a building, landing in front of your feet and splattering you with a new dose of blood. Come on… you had just gotten these clothes… Hell was playing a sick joke on you…_

But what good is there in reminiscing the past when you had a whole long afterlife ahead to judge yourself and your poor choices… like… a choice in friends. You had been in hell for 20 years and what you had wound up with was a job at a nightclub where you would be able to sing… and occasionally kick some demon ass when they got a bit too handsy with you. Hey, you had to defend yourself in this place, or you would get chewed up. If your former you would see you know, they would have died right there and then. Even you could hardly recognize yourself. The confidence you emanated was but a mask, for on the inside, you still had not healed completely. Perhaps you would never fully heal at all and not even a hundred years would be enough. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk was there. Besides, today seemed like a great day, you had survived yet another extermination and you were ready to get your afterlife back on the rails, till next year that was. Nothing could possibly go wrong now could it… you would stay out of trouble, the real kind like some of the overlords here in Hell… as for minor trouble though… it wasn’t your fault your ‘friends’ pulled you into these sort of brawls now was it? Maybe you could say no, but what would be the point, you were already in hell, you could not sink any lower now could you, you asked yourself as you were walking down the street. The stares that followed you hardly did anything for you anymore, they were just a bunch of perverted lowlife thugs who had nothing better to do than to bother you. With a flick of your hair and a snarl of your fangs, a death glare dancing around in your eyes, most would back off.

Your now golden eyes darted to your right as a car came into close contact with a demon before coming to a screeching halt. Your brow arched at the sight of a familiar face climbing out of said car. Oh crap… You had had such high expectations for today… yet you still had not learned anything about hoping for something to happen. Perhaps next time you should wish for the opposite to happen.

“Had a party elsewhere?”

You asked with a hint of sarcasm dripping from your tongue as you watched your ‘friend’ walk right up to the vending machine that dispensed drugs, which stood next to you. The effeminate spider-demon looked up at you, causing himself to get distracted enough for a shorter demon to dart by and taking the drugs the spider was named after.

“Woops”

You commented before being confronted with what some would consider ‘wrath’.

“Now look what you did Toots!”

All 4 arms pointing in the direction where his package had gone before said demon got squashed.

“Oh my God!”

The white and pink spider exclaimed in shock horror, though not for the after-extermination-death.

“My drugs!”

That had your eyebrows send flying up into your hairline.

“Really Angel?”

Angel was such an ironic name for a demon

“That’s what you are concerned about? How about we focus on the issue at hand?”

If you want a recipe for disaster… Stagename, Absynthe… but you can call me Roxy… and I am a demon… welcome to hell!


	2. I call shotgun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going from one hell to another, you wind up at the hotel and wished you were anywhere but there... for an unexpected visitor shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so it turns out, this is way longer than I had anticipated... and I can't count the amount of times I have been watching the pilot over and over on both my hands... I bet by the end of this quarantaine I will be able to quote and act out everything *sweatdrops* 
> 
> "As if she would mind... you should see her drool..."
> 
> Shut up, I'm the author!
> 
> Okay so, this is the first time I have tried to add in dialogue of an existing series and adding in my own OC... it's not easy and I hope you guys will like it.

Okay… let’s try to recapitulate… You were playing the second fiddle in an ongoing turfwar between a serpent who seemed to be having a bark that was worse than his bite, and your so-called friends. Next thing you know, you were catching a ride in a limo. An extremely tense ride, with you sitting in the middle of two parties. To use a boxing metaphor: In the left corner ladies and gentleman we have a pair of chicks, one of which seeming to deflate faster than a balloon who had had a close encounter with a needle, and in the right corner we have the reigning champion of innuendos and chaos… Angel Dust. Somebody please shoot me, was the only thing on your mind, so far, all your attempts at keeping distracted having failed. So, this had been the lousiest possible idea you could have come up with and you still stood by said statement. Yet, here you were… WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!

Your thoughts got disrupted by Angel Dust, feigning innocence… and it did not suit him at all, asking the grey one of the girls what had gotten her all fired up. Oh, he should have just continued his little game with the car button instead of pushing people’s buttons… Both your hands were slowly sliding up to your eyes to cover them, sighing in an exasperated fashion. Was it too late to have his mouth stuffed… anything would do really…? He would even love it!

“What?! WHAT! WHAT WERE YOU DOING!”

The moth demon was exclaiming, adding to the drama with her over the top hand gestures. The temperament, the drama… let me guess… Latina? You wondered, hoping that biting your tongue this time would help you not to add insult to injury as they say. Plus it would also do you good in saving your skin if possible.

“I owed my girl buddy a solid. Isn’t that a ‘redeeming’ quality? Helping friends with stuff”

Angel Dust pointed out, putting quotation marks with his fingers to emphasize the word ‘redeeming’. Good one there… Redeeming was just as subjective as helping though and you had been able to witness said tragedy firsthand… The biggest tragedy being Angel Dust himself, however. You had told him so more than once, but after 13 times, he didn’t get offended by it… much… In fact, you secretly thought he considered it a genuine title to be called drama QUEEN.

“Not with turf wars that result in TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE!”

While the moth was continuing her dramatic dialogue, which seemed to be falling on deaf ears, Angel was inspecting his nails as though those were far more important at the moment. Your head was being whipped from one to the other like you were watching the craziest version of demon tennis… The Hell Open… hehe… okay lame joke… But hey, jokes weren’t your strongsuit really.

“Eeeeh… you win some, you lose a few hundred, hehe, It wasn’t that bad anyway”

The smile certainly drained from his face when a knife went flying through the car, landing perfectly on the button which had previously been occupied by the gloved fingers of your friend. Wow… that had been a close call… or he would have been getting some ‘finger’food to munch on for free. Just stop with the jokes already… even in your mind they were awful.

Not that bad huh? Hmm….

_When in hell, do like the demons do… you thought as you were already neckdeep in this shit, sitting behind large pieces of rubble, taking cover along with Angel Dust, your own sanity slowly slipping away and the more impish side of your existence taking over your body. Besides, she was a mutual friend, and once you got dragged along, it was hard to fight it either. Especially when one the people pulling you along had 6 arms in total._

_“Hey thanks for the back-up Angie and Rox!”_

_The one-eyed woman stated after having thrown yet another bomb in the direction of the hordes of walking eggs. Geez… you were fighting off a breakfast meal with rayguns, coordinated by a giant worm. What was next? Bacon? You would bite their asses… tasty… Great, now you were hungry!_

_At least your current predicament at your expense seemed to serve as entertainment for your companion…’ partner in crime’ more suiting… as you were both partaking in the battle._

_“You kidding? This is the best action I’ve seen in ages”_

_“It wasn’t as if I had a choice, Cherri babes… but oh well… I am such a softy for you guys…”_

_You added to Angel’s comment. Wait, come to think of it, he hadn’t seen a lot of action recently and it would seem that you weren’t the only one who had been wondering where your friend had disappeared to the past couple of weeks as Cherri Bomb just posed the all important question:_

_“Where you been anyway? I thought you went up and died or some shit”_

_“Oh I wish, I’ve been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some broads are letting me stay rentfree if I play nice”_

_The spider stated, while handing over another bomb, already having lit it. JESUS! ANGEL FOR FUCK’S SAKE, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BLOW YOU GUYS SKYHIGH! Blowing was his specialty but still… Not going out with a bang would be better! You covered your ears like your friends before getting back on your feet, leaving the fighting over to them for the most part. You had armed yourself with a bat as well however, you know, just in case. In a fight, you better stay alert and on your tippy toes._

_“You know, no fights, no pranks, no problematic language… her words not mine. Ugh These crazy bitches’re no fun! I’ve been clean for two weeks”_

_A Angel was killing off yet another load of eggs, catapulting one up in the air even before shooting it with a shotfun, the minion exploded, causing the demon to be covered with goop and innards. Oh the sweet sweet irony, you thought before hitting an egg out of the park yourself. If this were baseball, you would be acing this!_

_“Holy shit”_

_“Well sorta clean”_

_You got Cherri’s back, the demon having been the one to teach you everything you needed to know to survive. In the land of the living, one would consider this sort of bond BFF. Here, it was called a timebomb… Okay, maybe you should have gotten Angel’s back as well… wow, you were on a roll with the puns, as a chain came whipping from behind, flinging your friend into asphalt. Ouch, that had to hurt… not as much as the seemingly naivety of Sir Pentious. Seriously, the guy didn’t catch onto the innuendo? Not that he would have a lot of time to consider it as the both of you were coming to Angel Dust’s aid._

_“You whores have no class! In war the side remembered, is the side with most style”_

_“Or the side that ain’t dead”_

_You piped up with Cherri, fistbumping with her with a grin on both your faces at the comment you both had made. Burn!_

_“Speaking of style, is your hat like alive or somtin’?”_

_“Oh well that’s none of your goddamn business now is it?!”_

_Oh, the hat was moving, mimicking or even enhancing the expressions on your ‘enemy’s’ face. Wow, how could you have missed that? What you would have rather missed was the following painful conversation… because oh my devil, it was too much. You would be cracking up and where would you be in this fight then but being dead?_

_“Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom”_

_“I’m going to blow you to bits!”_

_“Kinky”_

_“Oh not like that pervert!”_

_Really, he had only now come to that conclusion? You wondered before winding up on top of your friend. Oh, you didn’t swing that way at all darling… Hmpf, alright so Angel had done it to keep you from getting entangled but geez, not everyone liked to top._

_“Not so cocky now are we”_

_“You know, you really gotta watch what comes out of your mouth. I’ve been, makin’ these sex jokes the whole TIME and it’s obvious you ain’t catching on. I mean… it’s just sad!_

_And then the fight was finally back on track. Not a battle of wits or words but an actual fight with guns blazing… though seriously where was he keeping that arsenal? His outfit really left little to the imagination… Questions could wait for later, as you had flung your bat at two minions which got shot by Angel._

_“So you think you’re gonna get in a lot of trouble for this”_

_“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?”_

What indeed huh… hehe… Yet here you both were, being scolded by someone YOU didn’t even know yet! Well, you could have guessed the other girl but the one doing the talking would have done better with being a redhead. Woooo, what a firecracker that was.

“Oh come on, I had to! my credibility was on the line! I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was trying to go clean. It just throws out my entire persona”

“Your credibility?! What about the hotel’s?! Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!”

Now you were sitting absolutely petrified in your seat, only eyes moving from side to side. After that knifethrowing business, you didn’t even dare to try anything. To be frank, you basically looked like a startled woodowl with the elongated face you were making and the shocked expression adorning it.

‘No no no babe, jokes are funny. I made you looooooook euh… sad… like an orphan… with no arms or legs… OH with progeria! Great, now I’m bummed thinkin’ about it... This thing ‘ave any liquor?”

From the corner of your eyes, you saw the blonde shrink further and further into her ball at every word Angel Dust was throwing at her. You was honestly starting to feel bad for the Princess of Hell but honestly, from what you had heard about the Hotel she had been trying to kickstart… she needed to get her head out of the clothes and get back down to hell with her tootsies. In the meantime, your friend was crawling in every possible position to find some sort of booze, shoving you onto the floor in the process, throwing him the deadglare. Were there any other knives in this car?

“Can you please just try to take this seriously?”

The moth sounded absolutely exasperated by now with Angel’s behavior and after what had ensued today, you couldn’t blame her because you were fed up with him as well… for today… and you feared that before the day was over, you would get stuck for him for a very long mc freaking time.

“Fine, I’ll try, just don’t get your taco in a twist baby”

“Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?”

“Whatever pisses you off more… Is there seriously no liquor in here?”

“Are you seriously looking for liquor in the do-gooders’ limousine Angel?”

You served him with a reply, sounding matter of factly, one brow arched at him, still sitting on the carpeted floor, one hand on your smarting ass. From the corner of your eyes, you could see the moth finally sitting down again with crossed arms. Hang on… how small was she? Because standing up in a car wasn’t easy… You knew… Alright so one time you had to change your clothes in a car… don’t ask.

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“Get in line”

You mumbled under your breath, crossing your arms in a similar fashion as her.

“Too late Tootsies. Wait, would that make me double dead? Ha, where exactly do I go? To double hell? Haha, sorry, you’re stuck with me bitches, get used to it. Listen, who cares if some jackoffs got hurt? Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around, you got a bunch of fucking harlequinbabies down here…”

“You’re one to talk…”

Both you and the grey moth muttered. Whether it was purposefully done or by accident, you seemed to be on the same wavelength with someone… new? Wow, who would have thought!

“Hey! This body is flawless. Everybody wants some of me and I got the creepy fanletters to prove it”

Yea, you honestly didn’t need to be reminded of those… In fact none of the passengers wanted to know about those. You had read a couple, not so accidentally and they had pretty much scared you for the rest of your afterlife.

“That was really uncool you know, Angel”

Finally after all this time, it would seem that the blond princess had something to say as well. Not much really, and she really sounded like one of those kids who tried to be a mediator between friends.

“UNCOOL? After that trainwreck there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel! All thanks to you! And your selfish bullshit!”

“Does that mean I don’t have a free room anymore?”

What does he think?! Come on Angel! You have a brain in that head of yours somewhere?

“Ah well shucks”

“Hey, come on, we don’t know if things are over yet. Try to relax Vaggie, it will be ok. Besides we got another guest for the hotel thanks to all of this…”

Oh no, she did not… Wait… guest? HOTEL?! Oh, no no no no NO… you were not planning on checking in... then again, on the other hand, you would be able to lay low for a little while after having been broadcasted on live television… and not even in your best outfit.

“HEY DON’T GET ME INVOLVED! I only came along to save this schlemiel’s ass from getting chopped up… you know how vain he is, he just pointed it out! His ass is like his… calling card… and his job…”

You pointed out, thumbing Angel, as the guy was mouthing something along the lines of ‘what the fuck’. Hey, you weren’t on anyone’s side right now… or the sides were swapping occasionally, depending on your own ‘public’ opinion. The car came to a halt and you joined everyone in entering the building. If this was a hotel… it would never get any stars… A pornstar would be the furthest they would be getting… hence Angel Dust… Hmm… you almost felt bad for the Princess of Hell. Must be rough for her… definitely her… Damnit, you shouldn’t be acting this mean, not even in your thoughts. Where was the old you? The you who would have tried to help the girl out… to even partake in this experiment because you knew what was right and wrong. Because you didn’t feel like a monster for ridding the world of a… killer… But that was then and now, you didn’t even hope to be going to that pie in the sky called Heaven. Heck, even the Angels were partial criminals for killing… it kind of went against the whole ‘be nice and go to Heaven’ theory. Halo-wearing bastards… might as well stay in Hell then.

You stuck around your buddy as he was grabbing a melting box of popsies out of the freezer, almost tempted of grabbing it to feed your own sweettooth but… he was seriously using a bit too much saliva on that thing… nope…

“It’s probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. You know to feed all the wayward souls you got in here. Hehe… heh… he”

Even Angel looked crestfallen at the sight of a saddened Charlie, as she was named. It was heartbreaking… but… really kid, you have to suck it up sometimes… and it would make you so much stronger. Maybe you could talk to her later… Even you needed a break from time to time. Flopping on the couch, you sighed, ignoring the mood Vaggie, the moth demon, was radiating… ignoring everything and everyone for just a bit before you heard Charlie call out for her girlfriend.

“Hey Vaggie…”

“What?”

“The radio demon is at the door…”

“What!”

“What the fuck?!”

“Who?”

All three of us were staring at the Lady. Two with shock-horror and one with an indifferent look. Seriously… how could someone never have heard about this guy! THIS WAS THE REASON WHY YOU STAYED AWAY FROM THE OVERLORDS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! You didn’t want to wind up on anyone’s rador… or menu… Your ears went from down to up in less than a second, entire body tensing up and wings spread, nearly hitting Vaggie in the process.

“What should I do?”

“Well don’t let him in!”

“Girl… don’t you dare open that door!”

You were agreeing with Vaggie but unfortunately… Charlie had made her way to the door… hand on the doorknob… Well shit!


	3. Radio 'Gaga' Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unexpected guest makes everyone feel on edge. How does one deal with a force of nature called Alastor, The Radio Demon, when you don't know what he is after? Clearly he's not doing this out of the goodness of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is hard to come up with things that are 'funny'... or in my case 'punny'... Please I beg of you, don't judge me, my humor is awful XD

Of course, Charlotte, let’s adopt the full name to emphasize your annoyance, had to open the goddamn door despite both you and Vaggie persistently telling her not too. You ‘tried’ to avoid trouble, not always as successful as you might find out in the morning when bruises would surely blossom across your body in shades of purple and blue, probably depicting Starry Night by Van Gogh no doubt by the way the punches had been scattered. Then there was Charlie, who seemed to be inviting the problems in… I mean, why don’t you just serve them cookies and tea while you’re at it, you wondered as your mental facepalm became an actual one, it slowly morphing into a way of hiding your face. As if this would miraculously cause you to disappear into thin air. There was no God, there was no such luck… you just had to suck it up and listen from a distance how this would evolve… Though the static in the room made your hair stand upright.

“May I speak now?”

The Red demon who had had the door get slammed in his face not once but twice, spoke up. He looked quite dapper in his pinstripe suit, the monocle on his right eye and the exaggerated bowtie… If only the latter was the least of everyone’s worries. The violation of red on the eyes, the crackling sound of an old radio vibrating from his throat instead of a normal voice… that shit-eating grin on his face, showing off his sharp teeth… Sure, a lot of demons had teeth but… with him it was just… unsettling. As if he would bite off your face at any given moment, something which you speculated would be in your future if ever you were to stand between him and his goals.

“You may…”

Poor Charlie, she wasn’t just a head smaller than the demon in front of her but talking to him was like talking to a tsunami. It won’t listen, no matter what you tell it to do, and simply wash over you until you drown in the words and give up the fight. Your big ears were a curse as well as a gift, because every single word and lulling vibrating undertone could be picked up by them like two satellite dishes… As did they also pick up a slight variation in his voice… It managed to peek your curiosity…

“Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure! Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on the picture show and I just couldn't resist. What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929, hahaha... so many orphans.”

The Radio Demon, Alastor, didn’t appear to be needing an invitation as he simply wandered into the Hotel, monologuing about how entertained he had been about… something that had occurred on the news… Oh right, that was why you and Angel had received the lecture about how the Hotel was now in bad papers… or worse papers than it already was. Both you and Vaggie had gotten on your feet and went straight for the crimson shadow, Vaggie being a bit more straightforward with her as she pointed her spear right in his face. All it would have taken was one more step and they would be having shish kebab. Who would ever want to eat… him…

"Stop right there! _Cabrón hijo de perra_! I know your game! And I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone! You pompous, cheesy talk show shitlord!"

“And if I had my bat, I would smack that grin right off of your face”

Yea, you truly should have thought this through… where was your bat when you needed it… Hopefully Vaggie was able to use this spear as well as her tongue… Better keep that to yourself as well, your thoughts were going on a full on rampage and the radio noise was giving you a headache.

“Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here… I would have done so already”

Alastor’s voice had gotten a lot more distorted, his eyes changing into dials, the air surrounding you growing dense with the increasing noise and overwhelming sense of dread and pain… the shadows surrounding you, suffocating you. His presence had gone from happy-go-lucky, be it perhaps faked, to menacing. Showing his true colors if only briefly, yet long enough for anyone to cower away in the deepest darkest hole they were able to find, which in hell, strangely, was no main feat. Everyone seemed to have gotten intimidated by this episode, none opening their mouth to be spewing anymore threats. If not by the episode, by the sudden transition to Radio Host once again.

“Now, I’m here because I want to help!”

“Say what now?”

Charlie seemed to be able to say what everyone else in the room was thinking. Say what now indeed, all of your faces bearing the expression of shock… a hint of horror mixed in some of them however. This was not good… 1 minute further and the guy was already taking over the place. Why were you even involved in this conversation? WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN THREATEN THE RADIO DEMON! He was a psychotic lunatic…

“Help! Hahahaha Hell-o, is this thing on, testing, testing…”

_“Well I heard you loud and clear”_

Aaaaand confirmed…. Psycho and loony and… did that microphone just talk? Well, at least the demon wouldn’t run out of interlocutors… He was always going to have himself and his shadows and … whatever was trapped inside of that vintage microphone to converse with.

“Euhm… you want to… help…. With?”

“This ridiculous thing you’re trying to do, this hotel! I want to help you run it!”

You nearly jumped out of your skin, and what a sight that would have been, as the crimson demon popped up behind them. His shadow had forgone his physical body. Oh my Lucifer… sure, you desired an answer but at least he could have shown some common courtesy. Judging from his appearance, you would suspect him to be a gentleman… yet on the inside, he was through and through evil. Even the littles of pranks had a different connotation with him.

“But… why?”

The Princess asked, the aura surrounding her getting more nervous. You would have to be blind to not be able to see how she was starting to get smaller and smaller. You held her by her shoulders, hoping on one hand Vaggie wouldn’t be killing you for touching her girlfriend and on the other hand, hoping it would reassure her to stand up because this guy was going to walk right over miss goody-two-shoe.

“Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I’ve lacked inspiration for decades. My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I have come to crave a new form of entertainment.”

Poor Vaggie was being leaned on, manhandled and shoved away by Alastor, as if she were some sort of ragdoll, crashing into the nearest piece of furniture. Was he actually trying to piss her off even more? You hadn’t know this girl for long but she had this… intensity about her.

“Does getting into a fistfight with a reporter count as entertainment?”

Charlie’s girlfriend had reached the both of you once again, rubbing her arm, giving Alastor a dirty look in the process. A fistfight… from what you had heard it had been a catfight… there had even been bets on who would win the fight. 100 to 1 if Charlotte would have won… It would have seemed that no one had faith in the Princess, even in a fight.

“Hahaha! It's the purest kind, my dear. Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage. And a stage is a world of entertainment”

At that you retreated, as subtly as possible for the couch, your ears would pick up every word anyhow so what did it matter if you were present or not. Besides… the guy gave you the heebie jeebies. Your ears were twitching adorably as your satellite dishes were readjusting themselves to pick up the sound waves.

“So, does this mean you think it’s possible to rehabilitate a demon…?”

“Hahaha! Of course not! That’s wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! No no no no no! I don’t think there’s anything left that could save such loathsome sinners. The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is THIS! There is no undoing what is done.

Your eyes narrowed, as did Angel’s who you were sitting next to, and Vaggie’s. Loathsome sinners? Honestly… what did that make him then? The scum of the world? You had crossed her legs, foot tapping in the air, lips pursing into a thin line as your mind was trying to make sense out of this absurdness. You were going to kill him, the words spoken by Vaggie about Angel before, resonating in your cranium.

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t believe in my cause?”

“Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself! I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip, and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure”

If that hadn’t been enough to set alarmbells ringing in Charlie’s mind, nothing would. Th egirl was so desperate to prove a point and to get this pet project of hers to work… Heck, even you would sacrifice yourself right now if that meant they would be able to do without the Radio Demon.

“Riiiiight…”

“Yes indeedy, I see big things coming your way and who better to help you then I…”

A breath, you didn’t even realize you had been holding in, escaped your bright pink lips. How did you even need to breath when you were dead? Exasperated you decided to get more comfortable on the couch, hanging upside down from the backrest. What did anyone expect, you were a bat demon for a reason. This way, things looked way interesting as well and it made your dark hair with pink highlights dangle over the edge so nicely. Your golden eyes darted over to your arachnid friend who seemed to be oblivious to the actual danger that had taken up residence in the hotel.

“Eeeeh, soooo euh… what’s the deal with Smiles over there?”

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him? You’ve been here longer than me”

Vaggie seemed to be just as surprised as you were, and you had been around Angel Dust for longer than her. He really had no idea? How did you not know about that?! Alright, so the guy didn’t always tell you everything… thank Lucifer for that… because if Angel would even start about… Nope, we we’re not going that way, stick to the topic at hand. Having been quiet for long enough, you piped up before Vaggie could.

“The radio demon, one of the most powerful beings hell has ever seen?”

“Eh, not big on politics”

Angel spoke up, much to Vaggie’s annoyance, the Latina feeling the need to explain everything about Alastor. In a way, it would seem she had been rehearsing this story for just the right occasion to pop up.

“Ugh… Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple overlords that have been dominant for centuries, that kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before, then he'd broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him ‘The Radio Demon’ - as lazy as that is - many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils, but one thing's for sure: he's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery and a violent monster of chaos the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!"

Angel leaned over to a rather tense moth, the irony only just dawning upon you about seeing a moth and a spider so close to one another and not in a food fest kind of fashion. Your friend didn’t seem the least bit phased by what had just been told to him, not even taking this situation serious.

“Ya done? Phah, He looks like a strawberry pimp!”

“Well I don’t trust him”

“To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men? Ouch!”

Your elbow collided with his legs as you shoved him, making it clear he should quit it already with the sexist jokes for one day. He could joke around all day long but not with Vaggie. She was already having a hard time… Perhaps this was the side of you that had remained human-ish. The spark of empathy still lingering somewhere inside of your dead heart. The side that wished for nothing more but to shield others from harm… How was that working out for you? You were too busy dealing with Angel now pointing his arrows at you, while still following Alastor around with your eyes, to notice Vaggie going away to meet up with her girlfriend. The guy was ‘admiring’ the pieces of art that had been scattered across the walls. Family portraits by the looks of it as Charlie was in most of them. There was no way he was taking an interest in them for the sake of them… no way in all of Hell.

“ Charlie, listen to me. You can’t believe this creep. He isn’t just a happy face. He’s a dealmaker, that’s pure evil… He can’t be redeemed… and is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we’re trying to do.”

“I… we don’t know that. Look, I know he’s bad and I know he probably doesn’t wanna change, but the whole point of this, is to give people a chance. To have faith things will be better. How can I turn someone away? I can’t! It goes against everything I’m trying to do. Everything I believe in. Just trust me. I can take care of myself “

“Charlie, whatever you do, do not make a deal with him”

“Don’t worry, I picked up one thing from my dad: you don’t take shit from other demons”

Only now, you noticed Charlie move in your peripheral vision as she went straight for the Radio Demon once more, with renewed confidence. Did she have some of that confidence in a bottle on her or something… like a medicine, because fucking Hell you needed to get your hands on some of that sometime.

“Okay, so, Al, you’re sketchy as fuck and clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a joke… but I don’t. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be noooo trickster voodoo strings attached.”

No Voodoo strings attached? Even you were rolling your eyes at the same time as Alastor was. The guy wasn’t taking it serious, Charlie had just said so herself and she was still going at it… Before the most feared words in all of Hell were being spoken.

“So, it’s a deal then?”

Everything was bathing a green glow and a heavy wind seemed to be engulfing everything and everyone in the room. If one didn’t stand their ground, they would get blown away… something you, Vaggie and Angel were experiencing at the moment before it all came to an abrupt end, thanks to Charlie.

“NOPE, no shaking, no deals… I… hmmm… as princess of hell and heir to the throne… I euhm hereby order that you help with this hotel, for as long as you desire. Sound fair?”

Alastor was contemplating the proposition he had just been offered, instead of a deal he was craving, aching for… You could feel the man was almost tasting a deal on the tip of his tongue, simply waiting for the right moment to strike, when his prey was at its weakest. He was a predator, a hunter, ironic considering he was a deer… a cannibalistic deer… suddenly the idea of saying ‘bite me’ sounded like the worst possible thing to do.

“Fair enough”

“Cool beans…”

Charlie didn’t seem as relieved as she had hoped she would be, both thumbs up in a meager symbolic ‘great’ kind of motion. Hang on, now that you thought about, the realization hitting you way too late of course, having been distracted… Alastor didn’t always sound so… static-y… It was as if when you were finely tuning a radio and you hit the mark on the exact radiostation. There would be no white noise in the background, no crackling… it would just be… the sound of one voice… This was not a good thing…

“Smile my dear! You know you’re never dressed without one”

Vaggie was left fuming, her bucket of patience overflowing, maybe even some steam coming out of her ears. How dare this guy even touch her! This creep! If looks could kill, Alastor would have died a couple of times already, you figured as you took a seat with Angel at the reception desk. Why were there barstools at the desk?

“So where is your hotel staff?”

The deer-demon asked in a casual way as he was walking over to Charlie, having done enough sight-seeing around the lobby. The guy even moved like a deer, his heels clacking on the floor like hooves.

“Euh… well…”

Casting a guilt-riddled look in Vaggie’s reaction, Alastor was greeted with the not so subtle predator glare of the moth demon.

“Oh ho ho ho, you’re gonna need more than that”

And with that he was heading your way, going for Angel firstly.

“And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?”

“I can suck your dick”

You nearly choked as you burst out into laughter at Alastor’s shocked expression. This was so priceless! As a friend, you already knew all about Angel’s antics and his sexual innuendos, turning everything into a heavy sexually loaded joke, but for the ‘poor’ crimson deer in front of you, he just wasn’t so lucky on the matter…

“Ha! No”

“Eh, your loss”

You were still losing your shit over the fact he was diffusing the situation so curtly, as if he was untouched by it, while it was clear how he wasn’t entirely unaffected by it. The annoyance was dripping from his tongue like venom of a scorpion’s stinger. Drowning in your own thoughts, you hadn’t even spotted Alastor moving to you, being right up in your face, nearly causing you to fall off of your stool to just create a little bit of distance, arms a flailing mess as if they were your wings instead.

“Well, what about you… darling?”

His eyes were narrowed the slightest bit, slit pupils focused on her delicate pale face, one brow arched. The sweetness of the last word tasted bitter on your tongue, face contorting into something between disgust and disgruntled. On top of it: what was it with him and invading personal bubbles? You would have to iron out the wrinkles in your face before you were able to reply with your usual flair.

“Well ‘deerest’, depends on how much you are interested in meeting a bat up close”

A baseball bat in this case. She was spoonfeeding it to him here and Angel was giving her that look that told her: you are as bad as he is with his ‘humor’. However, it did seem to be amusing to Alastor as he remained in your bubble for just a bit longer.

“I already am… meeting a bat up close that is, my dear”

Why did that still hurt to know you weren’t interesting enough… You should be fucking glad he isn’t even remotely showing interest in your person. You were in the safezone!

“Well this just won’t do. I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up.”

What was that supposed to mean?


End file.
